The better email

Though I earlier, and quite verbosely, claimed a dislike for forwards, I have to admit I still get jones'd filling out those question emails. There it is, I just like to talk about myself, ok? Why would you have a blog if you didn't?

But these questions are..well..vanilla. No, literally, there's always the inevitable, "Vanilla or Chocolate?" question...which I find to be incredibly insulting in this multi-cultural dairy world.

So here you are: I've created perfectly random, disturbing and perverse questions someone might actually hesitate to answer.

1) what is the weirdest looking thing on your body - by nature or by accident?

A belly mole that I caught in a zipper and is now shaped like the Matterhorn.

2) handful or just a few sheets of toilet paper?

Handful..you need a buffer zone.

3) What is the absolute smelliest place you've ever visited?

Southeast Houston.

4) Name an entertainment person you'd like to muzzle...and not in a pervy bondage kind of way.
Howard Stern

5) Name an entertainment person you'd like to muzzle...in a pervy bondage kind of way.

Gimme the TX boys, either George Eads or Luke Wilson

6) Weapon of choice: noogie, nipple twist or the claw?

Nipple Twist

7) Did you ever give someone a food that was not what they thought it was or had been altered in some disturbing way?

When I was 13 I gave a friend "beef jerky" that was actually a dog treat

8) Is there ever a non-bodily-threatening reason to kick a guy in the crotch?

I'm not sure I can kick that high, but other woman fornication is always an excellent reason

9) You meet the love of your life. You find out later that they are your long lost second cousin. Make it or break it?

Break it, I have enough problems with genetics

10) Where's the weirdest place you've ever used the bathroom?

Cemetary

11) You have to pick one politician you dislike to get jiggy with. Who is it, and why?

Rick Perry. Gov. of TX...he was hired for his purty face to start with

12) Cremation or burial?

Cremation

13) Would you rather be a kleptomaniac or agoraphobic?

Agoraphobic, my living room is much more comfy then a prison shower.

14) Would you rather have a house with a poltergeist or bugs?

Poltergeist, I'd rather something hide my sneakers then be hiding IN my sneakers

15) Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh are tied to the train tracks. You only have time to free one before the train comes. Who do you save?

This is a hard one for me, an icon or a warm and fuzzy? I think I'd have to hose the mouse.

16) If you were being reincarnated and had to choose a different race then you were in this life, what would you choose?

Asian...pref Japanese to Mongolian.

17) You get the choice to be one of these three, what do you choose: the prettiest person in the world, the richest person in the world, or the smartest person in the world.

Richest baby! I figure at least that's the in between shallow choice.

18) Samantha or Jeannie?

Hmmm...Jeannie. Both of them had dominant asses for husbands, but an astronaut is way cooler then an Ad exec.

19) Would you rather be trapped in Dallas, Melrose Place or Desperate Housewives?

Desperate Housewives, I like the shoes.

20) Trashiest food craving?

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Cheese Doodles...potato chips on bologna sandwiches