More of the same

I never use my front door...I mean, ever. Unlike the rest of the rural community of Texas, we actually use our garage for our cars and not for hanging a large Texas flag and/or Budlight neon (on a sidenote, what is it that makes a country person want to hang out in front of their garage? They have a back yard, what is the appeal of their driveway...do they think it gives people the impression that they are just about to embark on a manly project of some sort?) So we exit and enter via the garage door, and it is utterly laughable to even imagine that we would have someone come to our front door except to leave a flyer or offer their bug termination services (on that same note, what does it say about Kyle that I get at least 1 church flyer on my door a week, but only one pizza menu in 6 months...don't even think about a chinese menu). Yesterday, however, I had one of those rare moments that I remembered I needed to water my potted Star Jasmine, and went out the front door to do so. Two things stood out:

1) There is poop all over my front patio. Poop. Do you hear me, POOP! Ok, technically it is just bird poop, but it's POOP. How the...what the.... We have a covered front patio - a little alcove firmly away from the sky. Judging by the amount of sludge on my patio, these little fellas had to have made a POINT to do this. In fact, there's even some slung on the front door...now what contortions this bird had to go to to manage this I don't even want to imagine. You must understand, my family has a long standing joke about birds having it out for us. No one believes us until they spend some time with us and see the length of the avian hatred. Case in point, my niece was once walking outside and two copulating birds fell out of a tree and onto her head.

Then I remembered the incident from just the other day. We were out front mowing the lawn, when I stepped onto the front alcove for some shade. SQUAAAAACK, REEEK REEEK REEEEK.... All my husband saw was me running shrieking from the patio with my arms waving madly over my head, and a bird chasing after me. Bugger.

Yesterday I checked to see if there was a nest being built anywhere on the porch...nada, nyet. But last night on my way to bed I flipped on the front porch light and peered outside (for safety, security and because I'd just watched Friday the 13th, you would do it to). What I saw were two little bird tails hanging off the top of my porch carriage light. So I contemplated...leave the light on to give those little bastards hot foot? Tempting, very tempting....but DH followed behind me and switched the light off. I resent his frugality being more important then my sadistic needs.

2) Also on the front porch yesterday was a Fed Ex "we came by, but you weren't here, so we're going to torture you" tag. Let me just pause to say Fed-Ex and UPS are getting lazier and lazier, or they just have taken to hiring some delivery people with serious social anxieties. This is the third time I've found a note on my door saying a delivery person has missed me, when I was sitting not 3 feet from the door when they supposedly tried to deliver something. GRRRR. This is hard...and I'll tell you why this is hard.

Because we can't figure out what this could be.

We haven't ordered anything, it's no ones birthday. The tracking number said it was sent from some random city in California...where we know not a soul. Someone in this city took the trouble and expense to send us something 2-day Fed-ex.

And it's driving me up the @#$# wall.

I keep telling myself it's probably some house/insurance related boring thing, but deep down inside I keep trying to remember if I entered any contests recently. Wait! No, no, they already gave away that HGTV house...

I couldn't sleep last night...fell asleep around 5 am and got up at 7:30 am. You don't think the anticipation is keeping me awake do you? I couldn't really be that in need of a life could I? But in my defense we're also getting our new dresser today, so little Brandi was all wound up.

So here I sit in my house...waiting...and I've got the front blinds open, so that Fed Ex guy better not even THINK of making a break for it again.