So, the times I almost killed my grandmother - Who is, in fact, now dead, but I had nothing to do with that.

My sister and I were both attending Univ. of North Texas, which we commuted to together. On the way onto the campus, we passed a cemetary. Sign outside the cemetary has some mesh of abbreviated title, proclaiming that the cemetary was sponsored by some group. It was a fairly rural community, so my sister and I put our heads together on that abbreviation, and decided that the cemetary was in fact named "The 100 Farmers Cemetary." Hey, it was an old cemetary, 100 farmers was alot of damn hoe's way back when.

We were discussing historical sites with my grandmother one day, when we mentioned the 100 Farmers Cemetary. She said, "the 100 what?!" We explained that that was what we had come up with from the abbreviated title: "1OOF Cemetary". The woman literaly almost choked to death right then and there.

In our defense, an old fashioned "I" can look an awful lot like a "1". We were..of course...quite wrong. The Cemetary was in fact named for the "International Order of Oddfellows"

Now I ask you, how is the "International Order of Oddfellows" any less weird a name then "100 Farmers"? This story reminds me that I still don't know what an Oddfellow is...must look that up.

The other time I almost got my grandmother was at a high tea function my sister took us to. It was a fund raising event by a church, and they actually explained to everyone how to go about preparing your cup, brewing the tea in the china teapot at each table, etc.

The speaker at the fundraiser was sure to point out that all the china we were drinking out of actually belonged to various church members. Curious, I flipped my cup over to see the china mark on the bottom of the cup.

I, naturally, had forgotten that the first bit of instruction that we'd been given was to go ahead and pour milk into our cup in preparation for the tea.

Guuuuurgle, splat....milk poured onto my saucer and into my lap. The first thing I did was not a) grab a napkin or b) flip the cup back over. It was to look around to see who had seen me do it.

Staring me in the face was just my poor elderly grandmother. Dead pan look on her face. Her eyes continued to bore into mine, and then she began to helplessly giggle...which of course made me start giggling. Now you should know that my grandmother eventually died of lung cancer from yeaaaaaaaaaaars of smoking. She was already showing signs of ugly phlegm issues, so her giggling was sort of like this "giggg...hckhckhuuuk...heheheheheheh...hiiiiiikhuhu...hehehehehehe."

I have to admit it was priceless, even if the laughing fit could have rendered her unconcious.

Good times, good times.