The better email

Though I earlier, and quite verbosely, claimed a dislike for forwards, I have to admit I still get jones'd filling out those question emails. There it is, I just like to talk about myself, ok? Why would you have a blog if you didn't?

But these questions are..well..vanilla. No, literally, there's always the inevitable, "Vanilla or Chocolate?" question...which I find to be incredibly insulting in this multi-cultural dairy world.

So here you are: I've created perfectly random, disturbing and perverse questions someone might actually hesitate to answer.

1) what is the weirdest looking thing on your body - by nature or by accident?

A belly mole that I caught in a zipper and is now shaped like the Matterhorn.

2) handful or just a few sheets of toilet paper?

Handful..you need a buffer zone.

3) What is the absolute smelliest place you've ever visited?

Southeast Houston.

4) Name an entertainment person you'd like to muzzle...and not in a pervy bondage kind of way.
Howard Stern

5) Name an entertainment person you'd like to muzzle...in a pervy bondage kind of way.

Gimme the TX boys, either George Eads or Luke Wilson

6) Weapon of choice: noogie, nipple twist or the claw?

Nipple Twist

7) Did you ever give someone a food that was not what they thought it was or had been altered in some disturbing way?

When I was 13 I gave a friend "beef jerky" that was actually a dog treat

8) Is there ever a non-bodily-threatening reason to kick a guy in the crotch?

I'm not sure I can kick that high, but other woman fornication is always an excellent reason

9) You meet the love of your life. You find out later that they are your long lost second cousin. Make it or break it?

Break it, I have enough problems with genetics

10) Where's the weirdest place you've ever used the bathroom?

Cemetary

11) You have to pick one politician you dislike to get jiggy with. Who is it, and why?

Rick Perry. Gov. of TX...he was hired for his purty face to start with

12) Cremation or burial?

Cremation

13) Would you rather be a kleptomaniac or agoraphobic?

Agoraphobic, my living room is much more comfy then a prison shower.

14) Would you rather have a house with a poltergeist or bugs?

Poltergeist, I'd rather something hide my sneakers then be hiding IN my sneakers

15) Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh are tied to the train tracks. You only have time to free one before the train comes. Who do you save?

This is a hard one for me, an icon or a warm and fuzzy? I think I'd have to hose the mouse.

16) If you were being reincarnated and had to choose a different race then you were in this life, what would you choose?

Asian...pref Japanese to Mongolian.

17) You get the choice to be one of these three, what do you choose: the prettiest person in the world, the richest person in the world, or the smartest person in the world.

Richest baby! I figure at least that's the in between shallow choice.

18) Samantha or Jeannie?

Hmmm...Jeannie. Both of them had dominant asses for husbands, but an astronaut is way cooler then an Ad exec.

19) Would you rather be trapped in Dallas, Melrose Place or Desperate Housewives?

Desperate Housewives, I like the shoes.

20) Trashiest food craving?

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Cheese Doodles...potato chips on bologna sandwiches

Weirdest coincidences

I get completely psyched and entranced by chances of fate. Maybe it gives me a sense of purpose, sort of my mental free version of the Celestine Prophecies (which I'm pretending to reference since I only made it in about 2 chapters before tossing it).

What got me thinking about this today was my friend from Spanish class. I noticed she signed a letter to me as "Britt" and I mentioned, "you know, I always shorten your name to just B..."

She said, "well people do call me that, but my dad's nickname for me is Beezer."

STOP IT!! I shrieked in the middle of class, that was MY dad's nickname for me! What are the odds, y'know?

I remember reading once about Anthony Hopkins agreeing to star in a movie based upon a book (name fails me). He tried to find the book in order to read it (duh), but could not find it anywhere. He went to a train station, sat down and next to him was...(da-da-daaaaa!) that very book. Later, on the set of the film, he met the author. The author mentioned that he had lent a friend of his a copy of his book, that was a great loss b/c he had written notes/corrections inside the novel. That friend had lost the book about two years prior. Guess what...this was the VERY book Anthony Hopkins had found. (C'mon, you had to see that coming).

My best story is this: one night I was playing Trivial Pursuit with a (now ex) boyfriend. Mind you, I had not left the room at any time, and he could not see the card, so this was not a trick. As I picked up the card, before I read it, he jokingly said "The answer is two" (this is not so weird, my family has a theory that the answer to almost any sports question to the original Genus game is "Ty Cobb"...seriously, give it a shot ;) ) As I read the question, I laughed b/c it was indeed a question that asked for a number. Something about how many days JFK had done something or other.

I flipped the card over, and damned if that answer wasn't "2".

My boyfriend got so spooked he crabwalked backwards into the corner.

Anywho...I wish there were a website of just weird coincidences. I think the Book of Lists (god I loved that book) had a list like that. However, it was merely a small list...dwarfed in fact by the list of weird objects that have fallen from the sky.

There must be some amazing stories out there.