Following is the list of Bravo's Top 100 Horror Movies. They have a multi part show regarding each of these movies, and I watch it as often as I can. What better way to entertain yourself then to see small clips of really grotesque scenes (and others commentaries on them.) I love horror movies, but I hate them WHILE I'm seeing them. I'm a finger peeker...and forget seeing a horror movie in the theatre, way too large a screen...hard on my psyche. Poor DH avoids them all together. He used to only watch X-Files with me from behind a large blue sofa pillow. I will wait to watch scary movies until he is firmly planted in his office/den...yet he still creeps around the corner until the TV is just within his peripheral vision and ask me "what's happening...what's going on now?" I think it's b/c a very intense and quite frightening thing happened to him as a child that sticks in his subconcious: he was raised in the "Church of God of Prophecy." They convinced little kiddo quite effectively of ghoulies, goblins and beasties lurking just behind each of the 10 Commandments (and knowing how many of those he's broken, deep down he's a little leary.)

So here they are...love to hear your comments on any of these. I've highlighted the ones I've seen (a shocking very few!)

100. 28 Days Later
99. Creepshow
98. Zombie
97. Cat People
96. The Birds (last time we were in SF, we made a special trip to Bodega Bay...no birds or Tipper Gore in sight, just really really bad seafood)
95. Jurassic Park
94. Child's Play
93. Pacific Heights
92. Village of the Damned
91. Shallow Grave
90. Night of the Hunter
89. Alice Sweet Alice
88. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the one with Donald Sutherland. Those pods really freaked me out...mainly the mucusy stretchy goo inside them)
87. Black Christmas
86. Wizard of Oz (I liked the flying monkeys)
85. Blood & Black Lace
84. Blue Velvet
83. The Others (they held it together until the floating paper scene...lame)
82. Terminator
81. The Howling
80. Poltergeist (I didn't see the face ripping scene until last year...always covered my eyes. Definitely one of the reasons for my clown issues.)
79. Dracula
78. The Brood
77. Signs
76. Evil Dead (and Evil Dead II, and Army of Darkness...Bruce Campbell is God)
75. Candyman (read it)
74. Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (huh?)
73. Blood Simple
72. Them!
71. The Sixth Sense (loveitloveitloveIT)
70. The Stepfather
69. Re-Animator
68. The Black Cat
67. Duel
66. The Tenant
65. Marathon Man
64. Near Dark
63. Deliverance (I really dig dueling banjos)
62. The Wolf Man
61. The Devil's Backbone
60. The Beyond
59.Fatal Attraction (god, that poor rabbit)
58. Cujo
57. House of Wax (so did all women in the 50's have to clutch their head in order to scream? Was it to stabilize their beehive first?)
56. Single White Female (man, these high heels are killing me!)
55. The Vanishing (Sandy in the Box)
54. The Changeling
53. Demons
52. The Phantom of the Opera
51. The Dead Zone
50. The Last House on the Left
49. Diabolique
48. The Thing
47. Nosferatu
46. The Sentinel
45. The Wicker Man
44. The Game
43. It's Alive!
42. An American Werewolf in London (for my 9th birthday, I begged my mom to take me. We left before Mr. "I'm a Pepper You're a Pepper's" friend was fully dead yet. Saw it later at the drive in with my parents, hiding behind the front seat of the van.)
41. The Hills Have Eyes
40. Black Sunday
39. Dawn of the Dead
38. Peeping Tom
37. House on Haunted Hill (the original, not lame ass pseudo remake)
36. Cape Fear
35. Aliens
34. The Hitcher (Alas poor Jennifer. Saw this one night when I was in jr. high, at a friend's house while her parents were out. By the end of the movie we were sitting in the same chair, praying for parental guidance.)
33. The Fly (refused to see this when I heard body parts fell off...see Poltergeist comment)
32. Pet Sematary
31. Friday the 13th (Halloween night, mom let us stay up late to see it with our neighborhood friends. You know that last scene...you know THE scene? The whole room, kids and mom alike shrieked. It was the first time I realized that there was no funnier sound then boys screaming while their voices are still changing.)
30. Blair Witch Project (so deeply overated. No kidding there were no scripts, like I couldn't tell that by the stunning improvisation that 90% of the time went like this, "fuck...fuck. Fuck you...no, fuck you *little while later* AGGGGH, FUUUUCK!")
29. Serpent and the Rainbow (can't imagine a rabbi would agree with that method of circumcision)
28. When a Stranger Calls (never...EVER have two lines in the house!)
27. Frankenstein
26. Seven (saw this with my brother and his girlfriend. Just before we walked into a theatre we saw a paramedic working on a lady...she was totally blue and foaming out her mouth. Needless to say, between that and the movie, this night totally JACKED ME UP)
25. Phantasm
24. Suspiria
23. Rosemary's Baby
22. Don't Look Now
21. Jacob's Ladder (Wrote a paper on this. Really brilliant...not too scary though.)
20. The Ring (oh NO way. The only thing more wrong then scary ghost children is scary ghost old people.)
19. Hellraiser (dig the symmetry of all those nails, I'd hire that carpenter)
18. The Haunting (again, the original, not lame ass remake...though Owen is tasty, smushed face and all)
17. A Nightmare on Elm Street (one...two...sumthin sumthin irritating that sticks in your head)
16. The Omen (you have to appreciate a director who doesn't cut away when someone is being decapitated, and on top of that gives it a little flippy flourish)
15. Freaks (gooble gobble)
14. Halloween (aGGHHH, turn around turn around! And don't ever ever have sex!!!)
13. Scream
12. Misery
11. Audition
10. Wait Until Dark
9. Night of the Living Dead
8. Carrie ("hey, I paid good money for these dirty bags!" )
7. Silence of the Lambs (just what are Fava beans?)
6. Shining (TOP Scary movie AND book in my opinion.)
5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (saw it at a slumber party on my 13th bday. And we LIVED in Texas. Messed us up but good, we couldn't even do "light as a feather" that night.)
4. Psycho
3. Exorcist (this movie doesn't scare me...but I think it helps if you've had a very sturdy religious upbringing.)
2. Alien (saw this at a drive in with my parents. Sitting in the back seat of the car, slightly dozing off, when my brother got out to use the bathroom. When he slammed the door shut, the little window - the type that only opens a crack - fell out of the window frame and into my lap. I came up shrieking...)
1. Jaws (NOT #1...but not bad :) I was a stupid little kid, so my brother could freak me out at the LAKE by screaming 'SHAAARK!')

I have a confession to make.

Not that is will shock anyone to the core, but it's something I keep buried whenever in the presence of literary sorts. Although, to be frank, they may not be shocked themselves. Anyone who has read my blog can certainly recognize I'm more of the homegrown edumacated sort. I think mah words too damn fast, and type too damn fast...grammar can't keep up. I shame myself on a regular basis.

However....I don't think I can carry on this facade once I begin my lit courses. It's been so many years since I've had to think critically, that I may very well be scuh-rewed.

Here is it: I....READ....TRASH.

I do. And it's a concious choice.

I am in awe of people who can sit and read K.A. Porter short stories and quiver with excitement. I bow down to anyone who has read Ayn Rand...and who can actually pronounce that name. A friend told me I would love, "Fountainhead" and I ended up wanting to slap someone at the end of it.

I have one of those gigantic anthologies from early literature classes...and every once in a while I swear I am going to open it up and read Madame Bovary, but I can hardly get past thinking of ways to tease someone with that name.

A few weeks ago, I finally signed up for the Kyle Public Library (I showed up with two forms of ID and a utility bill to prove I do live here...they just needed to know my first and last name. Ah..charming :-) ) I never buy books b/c I am cheap, unless we're talking Harry Potter. I reread the same books I own about 50 times...a library is really my only hope of learning any new vocabulary.

I strolled through the 2 stacks (just TWO...gah!) of adult fiction. I picked up a mystery and a Fannie Flagg. I realize these are NOT top drawer fiction, but even that was cruising higher altitudes for me. The problem with reading new fiction is that I get a bit obsessed. Once I start reading, I can't put it down. Shortly, I will find that it is 4 am and I've finished the stupid book. Now I've got one migraine, one irritated husband and one less source of entertainment. Part of my problem being that I save my reading until bed time. It's supposed to be my "wind down so you don't overthink yourself all the way into 3 am" time. Clearly that's not working.

So I move slowly back to my old ways...to my shame.

You see, I like a good story. I like a plot, a twist, big hook, something juicy. I even find that I will at times scan over descriptive passages, simply to get to the point.

So here it is. My favorite type of book is......scary short stories. There, I've said it.

When you read ghostly short stories before bed I, a) can read just 1 story and get to the conclusion in 10 minutes, allowing me to put it down and sleep, and b) the covers are excellent for hiding your head under.

Morbid twisted child that I was, I chewed up any book I could find at Fretz Park Library on Ghosts, Ghouls and heinous ways to disappear. My dad was a big Stephen King Fan, so one of the first adult book I read (other then crates of my mother's Silhouette /Harlequin Romances) was...I think..."Night Shift" at about 7 or 8.

I still, god help me, love it. Last week you could find me sidling up to the counter at Half Price Books to plonk down my 5-lb anthology, entitled, "Dark Descent." It felt strangely like I'd just tried to purchase the kind of book that might be titled something like, "50 Ways to Bend your Lover."

Now some kinder literary sorts might try to discuss with me the offerings of James' "Turn of the Screw." At which point I would have to scoff and say, "Liar! That was no ghost story...itwas a psychological drama!" Like trying to drink Sprite and it turning out to be water. How many times have I seen some Horror anthology attempt to nobilize itself by including, "Metamorphesis," "Yellow Wallpaper." I'm not fooled! Even Clive Barker is just a little too damn preachy to me.

Trash...I want me's trash. If it isn't about a clown stalking children (the ageless evil being sort, not John Wayne Gacy) or involves revenge from the grave in fairly plain speak, then I turn my back to you (except Shirley Jackson, she's a-ok.)

If I really set my mind to it, I can analyze ol' Hester Prynne with the best of them. I can even wind up with my teacher writing, "excellent insight," on a paper or two (along with multiple marks for split infinitives and misuse of prepositions.) But I'm just faking it...rahhhly I ahhmmmm. Though I'm not certain I am the only one. I happen to know of an English major who has an obsessive love with trashy romance novels. I guess we all have our dark places.

One of these days I'm just going to have to figure out how to find enlightenment and thought process stimulation to be as fun as getting the pants scared off of me.

Sigh....

The only reason I got out of bed today was because of the possibility of cake.

32
32
boo-hoo
boo-hoo

If they can do a revival of HMS Pinafore, think I can carry off a revival of 29?